clestroying:

When your mum yells at you and says you cant go out on the weekend

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carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

when u try to caffeinate yourself and just end up increasing ur heart rate with no discernible changes in levels of exhaustion  

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gookgod:

cum on her heart

fasterfood:

half of me wants to be a really physically active person but the other half of me is like “nah son” and how can I argue with that

tympanista:

*comes to meet you at Starbucks 15 minutes late with Starbucks from another location*

weaknudes:

waking up cold: alright I need more blankies

waking up hot: covers thrown everywhere. sweat behind the kneecaps. 3 dead. the pillow is the sun. critical condition.

nasturbate:

prosetitute:

I’M DYING

STOP HARASSING YOUR PARENTS but also keep doing it because i just laughed so hard my soul escaped my body

balconyscene:

whitegirlsaintshit:

shotquns:

hot doctor game too strong

i hope i fucking die in his arms and pass him a release form that says he can fuck my dead corpse pussy in front of all my loved ones at my funeral.


you should probably go outside and get some fresh air

balconyscene:

whitegirlsaintshit:

shotquns:

hot doctor game too strong

i hope i fucking die in his arms and pass him a release form that says he can fuck my dead corpse pussy in front of all my loved ones at my funeral.

you should probably go outside and get some fresh air

spookydeantops:

U HAD SEX

WITHOUT ME?????

happiest:

if your snapchat stories last over 100 seconds you have too much time on your hands

kookie667:

Let’s play a game called “I’m totally joking, but would do that in a heartbeat if you were into it”

poryqon:

if you dont eat the pizza crust you are weak and natural selection is coming for you

missingeharmony:

heybrittini:

judgehatchett:

no one’s an atheist 30 seconds before an orgasm

OH MY FUCKING GOD

that’s the spirit

richwhitemom:

turn on: when your phone is on 100%